It's no coincidence that my name fits in so nicely with this well-known phrase sung by the glorious Doris Day. It happens to be my personal motto. Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be. Or as I like to say, "toast is toast." It's a relaxed but confident, optimistic yet objective, tolerant and open-to-possibilities mindset that I tend towards. This is not to say that I don't make plans, have goals, try my best to reach them, or occasionally get stressed out. I just don't feel the need to know all the answers or hold grudges, and I generally feel like everything will eventually shake out the way it's supposed to. Not everyone can understand or agree with such a laissez faire attitude, but it works for me--in my approach to friendships and day-to-day problems, to religion and my relationship with God, and even when someone cuts me off on the highway. My family likes to tell this story about how, as a child, if someone made me angry I would booby trap my room out of spite so they couldn't come in. I'm all for funny and embarrassing stories from youth, but every time this one is told it really bothers me because the point of telling it is to demonstrate that I hang on to ill feelings with vindictiveness, and this is so contrary to who I actually am.
I've been thinking a lot about this lately, becoming reflective and self-assessing as my birthday came and went. And I can honestly say, with no egotism, that I really like who I am. When I think about how I treat people, how I treat myself, and how I spend my time, I realize that I am the person who I want to be. This was kind of a surprising realization, since that was definitely not always the case. I know that I needed to spend many years floundering and making mistakes in order to get here, and I know that I'm not done evolving. But for now, it's nice to have wonderful friends and family, a fabulous husband, adorable and goofy pets to pour love into, good health, and to know that I've finally found what I really want to do career wise. As I roll into my 27th year on this planet, I am filled an attitude of gratitude, and a sense of infinite possibilities.
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